Reflections a smaller size, lost 18 lbs so far!

OMG, my pants are needing a belt! They are so loose that they are always lower over my belly than I like. My hubby is thrilled with my progress and he's been really helpful to my weight loss project. 

Yep, when he needs a big fat, juicy, dripping something with calories type of meal, he heads into town for a lunch date with the boys!

Thank you sweetie!

Sometimes we tend to put everything and everyone in front of ourselves. We seem to do this for years, always finding a reason to not actually make the break and BEGIN to lose weight. 

We try to make attempts but for some reason we don't stick with it. We fail. But what's important is that you get back up and get back on the horse, so to speak!

I'm attesting to a whole load of pain, anxiety, loss and heart ache from this past spring and summer. Its been a real roller coaster. Trying to find a simple place to sit without pain has been difficult.

 Pain for me this past summer was excruciating. Sciatic pain of immense strength pulsing down my legs felt like a bolt of electricity surging through my lower legs. Fortunately, epidurals exist and I needed a whole  bunch, but at least eventually they settled the sciatic pain to something that I can live with until I see the neurosurgeon this month!

Its been like a bad dream of falling off a cliff and yet you're awake! The kind of pain & fear, loss of lifestyle, loss of career, loss of income, losses all around the corner when you are suddenly incapable of walking very far, standing for very long, sitting in just the right place or I'm an unhappy camper, how do you hold down a job with all that going on?

I've read other bloggers have gone some hard stuff and they have been an inspiration to me, such as my favorite ~A Beautiful Mess

Wow, pain grabs your attention. Even though these strikes were single episodes sometimes, multiple episodes frequently until I got some relief with the epidural pain injections.  The intense lower back pain, that for me felt like a big boat anchor was roped to my lower back. It dragged me down and down I went and I pulled that friggin anchor back up and said "Not on my watch, Mr Bad Ass Pain!" I've fought it. 

The trick is to NOT let the pain get the whole of you. Don't give in to the pain owning you! I have fought it by thinking of the pain as a friend, that comes to visit and I embrace the pain, it will not get the better of me!

How To Be Sick

 Toni Bernard wrote a book "How to Be Sick", she taught me that I had to stop and start developing a relationship with pain. I had to let it come, be as grumpy as ever, but to let it come and then let it go. Pain killers made me like a zombie. For anyone living with chronic illness of any sort, this remarkable story of Toni's journey is loving and tender as she takes you by the hand and offers you a way to cope. I thank her and her book can be found at the link below.

I know, heh, what a weird book title? But the contents of Toni's past decade gave me pause. Her words resonated with my life. Her life is so much more chronic than my situation, ( I'm hoping :) I began to let her influence my thinking about how I coped with pain. I took her advice and opened the door to my " special friend" called pain, who comes and often visits!

As you can see, I have a few pounds to lose, so come an lose with me?

Months down the road, I am opening another door, the smaller sized Carli door. I'm visiting with "her" a lot over these last two weeks since we started this fat burning soup thing. 

Its helping me. I am feeling lighter each day. The pain is still present and I await a specialist appt. this month. But its something I can do. I know that sometimes I don't make a post and I get emails asking if I'm OK?

I'm OK if I am not being real, but being real has taken a 180 degree turn this past year. I do keep making posts, but it has to be on my terms.

 If its not a day or a week that the pain can find a home elsewhere for me, then I don't post anything. I'm still working on hand projects, because sitting at the sewing machine is painful sometimes. I'm finding that too much hand embroidery leads to carpel tunnel syndrome.

 I know, I know, what is working??

Want to read the Fat Burning Soup post here.

If you want to give this a try, I'd love to hear from you. 

So this may answer some questions for some of my readers and if this gets in the way of the Crazy Quilt Along 2014, please  be patient, I'll post when I can post. Fair enough?



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